My life for the past two years has been very hard for me.
I grew up in a christian family, was entirely happy and content with my family, my future(a baker), and my life in general. I was so happy.
But then things started changing, Dad got increasingly harsh and started messing with my sister due to stress. We had frequent fights me and my dad. Our family was crushed and torn apart, when my sister, in tears and uncontrollable guilt confessed that Dad had had sex with her.
My dad’s business crashed and we were left in debt. We sold everything we had. I was left with nothing. My sister lived apart. I had to work for my own living. It has been a year since all that has happened.
I suffered. My heart was shriveled and left bleeding looking at the way everything was shattered. My sister suffered depression along with me. Just the mere thought of such a drastic change in our lives….it made our hearts tear.
God was good to my parents. They eventually found a job. Over the course of time my relationship with my parents has gotten into a new level of intimacy. I forgave dad, it was easy for me, I wasn’t the one loosing my virginity to him. My sister didn’t, she continues to detest dad and wonders why life is supposed to be with it is.
It has been over a year now. So much has changed. I stopped working. Working seems so pointless to me – it doesn’t fall in harmony with me. I can’t do something my heart is not involved in.
So here I am. Lonely in this cold world. Wondering why. Wondering how. Wondering why I should carry on with life…when there is no goodness in this world. I want to hope in goodness. But it doesn’t show itself.
I hope to win a lottery. Maybe it’ll help me get up. Get me into a good culinary institute for my bakery education. Maybe I’ll be able to go for a vacation in australia. It is something I really want.
If there is goodness, and if God is good, what is keeping him from helping me get up?
Ask and you shall recieve…..seek and you shall find….knock and the door will be opened unto you – words said by Jesus himself.
Nothing is impossible for him who believes – words preached by Jesus himself.
Jesus, son of God tells me if I believe that I can win the lottery, it is possible. Jesus, son of God assures me that if I ask….it shall be given.
I know the fact and story going around about God saying Yes to some prayers, No to some and Maybe next time to the rest. But hey……Jesus said something else.
Is it too bad for a downtrodden man to ask for a once in a lifetime gift from God?
Is it too bad for a broke man to hope for winning the lottery?
Is it too bad for God to help me win, when something I really want from my heart…is…a winning lottery ticket?
Has it not been written in the bible about the prodigal son? The son asks for money, goes off to spend it immaturely and comes back in his father’s arms? Is not the father in the parable, compared to God himself? The father however……gives his son what he wants.
Can I not be compared to that prodigal son? Can God not give me my deepest desires?
Can I not choose to spend the money wisely?
I wish to give away 50% to people like me – people wondering is there is any goodness in the world, people downtrodden with sufferings. I wish to give them hope and to tell them…that there is goodness in this world.
So….will God ever let me win the lottery?
Will God ever assure me….that there is goodness in this world?
Life is cold. God….will you ever give me warmth?